In a shocking turn of events, a transgender nanny – henceforth referred to as “OP” – shared a distressing experience on social media after being confronted with unexpected transphobia from a client.
OP Is Transgender
OP, who has undergone a full medical transition, was a dedicated caregiver to a hyperactive child named Ryan. However, a chance meeting between OP’s mother and the child’s mother, Lily, on a casual outing took a disturbing turn and led to OP’s exclusion from their lives.
Finding Purpose Amid Transformation
OP’s path to becoming a nanny was shaped by personal experiences and a desire to lead a fulfilling life. Having fully medically transitioned, including top surgery and seven years of testosterone therapy, he felt a newfound sense of happiness and self-acceptance.
Choosing a Unique Path
Unable to pursue higher education due to past struggles with mental health, OP decided to use the funds saved for college to embark on a new journey. He said: “So I decided that, instead of going to community college, I would use the money I saved to fully medically transition. It was great. I had finally felt good in my body and was truly happy for the first time.”
The Hyperactive Child and the Dedicated Caregiver
OP’s journey eventually led them to become a nanny for Lily, a single mother who had faced her own set of challenges after the early loss of her husband. Ryan, Lily’s hyperactive child, proved to be a handful – but OP took on the role with enthusiasm.
Nurturing Peace and Happiness
OP’s ability to create a peaceful and happy environment for Ryan resonated with Lily, who was deeply grateful for OP’s presence in her life. OP said: “So when she came home one night from a long night at work to a peaceful sleeping child she was overjoyed. She has continuously told me that is one of the main reasons she hired me. I quickly became Ryan’s full-time nanny.”
An Unexpected Turn of Events
The turning point in this narrative occurred when OP’s mother met Lily and Ryan during a chance encounter at a local market. This meeting led to the two mothers becoming friends on social media, something OP had not anticipated.
A Social Media Shock
What followed was a shock to OP. Lily sent him a post created by OP’s mother about his transition. Lily’s reaction to the post, unfortunately, was one of anger and transphobia. She lashed out at OP, using offensive slurs and derogatory language.
Allegations of Deceit
Lily accused OP of deceit, claiming the only reason she hired him was to provide a father figure for Ryan. She cruelly lectured OP about his gender identity and expressed disbelief that she had allowed a “monster” near her child.
A Father Figure
OP said: “Lily went off on me. She started cursing me out, calling me slurs of all kinds, and telling me I should be ashamed of myself. She told me that the only reason she hired me was because I was a man and she wanted Ryan to have a father figure in his life.”
A Transphobic Monster
OP continued: “She continued to lecture me about how I’ll ‘always be a woman’ and how she can’t believe she let a monster touch her child. I am shattered. I can’t believe that this woman that I trusted and who was becoming one of my closest friends was a transphobic monster. I have been cut out from her and Ryan’s lives completely and she has blocked me on everything.”
Guilt and Self-Reflection
OP admitted to not disclosing his transgender identity to Lily, feeling that it was a deeply personal matter due to the potential risks associated with coming out. However, he grappled with feelings of guilt over the situation and the impact it may have had on Ryan, who is now left without a caregiver he had grown attached to. OP asked social media users if he was wrong to keep his trans identity to himself.
People Defended OP
One commenter said: “You were a wonderful father figure to her son. It’s messed up how our society completely assumes that caring and nurturing for children is something that only women can do. My husband is caring and ‘motherly’ to our son and it has nothing to do with his gender. It’s because he is a good person who wants to be the best parent he can be.”
Lily Is Transphobic
The commenter continued: “You don’t need to tell anyone your past. Hopefully your mom will be understanding if you ask her to take down those posts. I’m so sorry you have to deal with such discrimination simply for being who you are. Lily is clearly transphobic and has shown pretty clearly why you didn’t tell her something that is none of her business.”
Bigotry Is Poison
Another person said: “It’s amazing to me that someone can truly know a person, know them enough to trust them with their kid and to praise how they are essentially raising their kid, and still let their transphobia influence them this much. I don’t get it. Bigotry truly is poison to the mind”
Advice for OP
Others gave OP advice. One person said: “Tell your mom what happened. Ask her if she is okay with friends like that. Ask her to take down all her posts of your transition because you’d like some privacy. If she doesn’t, it could be because she likes the attention it brings her. [Social media] really isn’t about intimate support friends.”
People Were Baffled
People were baffled by Lily’s behavior. Another person said: “No one is obligated to know what your chromosomes are, or your genitals, or your organs. No one. Not your employer, not the government, no one except the people for whom your body and life becomes something they should probably know about – like a committed intimate partner.”
OP Was Not Wrong
The commenter continued: “Why does this woman need to know about your genitals? Why does she need to know about your gametes? It’s insane for anyone to believe they are entitled to know this about anyone else. You were not wrong.”
A Very Insufferable Bigot
The commenter concluded: “This woman who attacked you because of who you are and because you didn’t tell her about what’s in your pants and what shape your chromosomes are was a complete, disgusting, insufferable bigot.”
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