Relationships can be difficult when opposing religious views are involved. Such is true for one individual – henceforth referred to as “OP” – who has taken to social media to find out if he’s in the wrong for truthfully answering his girlfriend’s question.
A Love Story With Religious Differences
OP began by painting a picture of a blissful new relationship, marred only by contrasting religious beliefs. OP identifies as agnostic, leaning away from the Christian concept of God, while his girlfriend identifies as a Christian, albeit one who does not actively practice her faith by attending church.
The Christian Idea of God
OP wrote: “Our only real point of contention is our religious beliefs but this is solved by simply never discussing it. She is a Christian – solely beliefs-wise, she does not attend church or practice in general. I am agnostic toward the idea of a higher power but I reject the Christian idea of God.”
Norwegian Black Metal
The turning point in OP’s story occurred during an intimate moment when his girlfriend questioned him about his music preferences. Specifically, she inquired about OP’s fondness for Norwegian black metal – a genre notorious for its controversial history, including church burnings and a strong disdain for Christianity.
She Kept Pushing
OP wrote: “I listen to a lot of Norwegian black metal and, as some of you might know, a big part of the scene’s history involves burnings of churches and a general disdain toward Christianity. We were lying in bed and she asked me about why I listen to that kind of music and whether I agreed with the beliefs of the artists. I declined to answer out of respect for her beliefs but she pushed and pushed until I eventually gave in.”
Christianity in Norway
OP eventually revealed his perspective on the matter. He explained that many Norwegian black metal artists hold grievances against Christianity due to its historical impact on Norwegian culture and heritage. According to OP, these artists argue that Christianity “steamrolled over” traditional beliefs, causing a loss of cultural identity.
Replacing Equally Valid Beliefs
Furthermore, OP expressed his discomfort with Christianity’s historical adoption of various elements from other belief systems. He wrote: “I explained to her that, in some regards, I do agree with this and elaborated that I hate the way Christianity is just a mishmash of stolen ideas and beliefs and, throughout history, has replaced many equally valid beliefs and religions.”
Tears, Accusations, and Regret
OP’s candid response did not sit well with his girlfriend, who ended up in tears and told him to watch his words in her presence. The exchange left OP feeling conflicted. Now, he’s taken to social media to find out whether he was in the wrong in the situation.
The Internet’s Response
OP’s post now has over 6,000 likes and over 400 comments. For the most part, people thought he did nothing wrong whatsoever. “She shouldn’t ask if she doesn’t want to know. It’s better to get this conversation over at the beginning of a relationship. I hope y’all can work through this,” one person said.
A Serious Talk
Another commenter wrote: “It’s not your fault she didn’t like the honest answer you provided. If she is this upset over just your music choices because it violates her religious principles, then y’all need to have a serious talk before this goes any further.”
A Historical Fact
Others told OP to be wary. One such individual wrote: “Tread carefully. She may be more religious than you realize. It’s literally a fact that Christian missionaries did a bunch of [messed] up [stuff] to convert native populations. Someone who is just a casual, non-practicing Christian would not be so offended.”
Ensuring Beliefs Are Compatible
The commenter continued: “You need to probe a little more into her religious beliefs to see if this will be an issue. If you want kids, discuss how you want them raised. What are her beliefs really – and are they compatible with yours?”
A More Critical View
Some people were a little more critical of OP. One person said: “Man, ‘never discussing it’ is so far from solving the problem. I was kind of blown away when I read that sentence. I’m not saying everyone in a healthy relationship should have the exact same beliefs but those beliefs, even if different, need to be ethically compatible. I’m not sure why you’d want to date someone who subscribes to a belief system you dislike anyway.”
A Hesitant View
Another person said: “At a base value of Christianity steamrolling Pagan religions, I agree with you. It totally did and I think it’s totally fine for you to not like Christianity and to feel the way you do about it. However, I get real nervous when people start talking about black metal bands, especially when we’re talking about burning churches in the 80s.”
Black Metal and Neo-Nazis
The commenter continued: “A lot of that hate for Christianity translated into some of these people from that scene being neo-Nazis. Now, that’s not to say all people doing black metal are Nazis. Hate for Christianity is one thing but a lot of it became this very [messed] up scene. I just think you should be wary. I used to date this guy who was real into the whole burning churches deal and when I dated him he was just a metalhead who hated Christianity. Afterward, he got very radicalized into some very scary beliefs.”
A Christian Perspective
Christians weighed in too. One said: “Dude, I’m Christian and I agree with you. A lot of culture that I would have loved to learn about was demolished by Catholic Christianity and was replaced by extremely warped versions of the culture. It’s part of why I’m nondenominational Christian and not Catholic Christian.”
A Pagan Perspective
Another person said: “As a Pagan who definitely feels that way? Not [in the wrong]. Don’t ask painful questions and expect not to get hurt. Her religion has oppressed countless others and she should know that and know other people of different faiths are gonna feel a certain way about their religion demanding the world be centered on it.”
Children in the Future
Others discussed potential problems OP might encounter if he and his girlfriend have children in the future. One person wrote: “You shouldn’t have to lie and she refused to let you stay quiet. I find that you can make a relationship work with two different beliefs but it’s almost impossible to raise children together because each side will try to teach their own beliefs or will at least refuse to pretend they believe the same as the other side. Not sure if you want kids one day but just something to keep in mind if you do.”
Christian and Pagan Holidays
Another commenter wrote: “She said you should watch your mouth around her… you did! You tried to respectfully decline an answer because you were pretty certain she wouldn’t like what you had to say. Also, I’m a Christian in the same way your girlfriend seems to be – no church at the moment – and I wouldn’t be [angry] at your response. You’d be a fool not to be aware of how Christian holidays copy more traditional religions and I’m not especially proud of that side of my belief system.”
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