Choke On It
“When you go to speak and choke on your own spit and sit there for 30 minutes coughing to try and collect yourself.” “Yep it’s dying time.” “Literally one of the reasons the concept of “intelligent design” is nonsense.” “Okay, let’s put the breathing hole in the same place as the drinking hole, but also if you get water in the breathing hole, you die.”
Hard Pickup
“Trying to pick a credit card up from a perfectly smooth floor.” “The key is to suck it up with your mouth like a vacuum.”
Playing Cool
“The moment when you think someone is waving at you or saying “hi” in a public place, but it’s not aimed at you. So you try to play it, but it’s never cool.” “Following in a close second: you see a friend or family member, though they made eye contact, so you wave, but they just turn away, and anyone in your vicinity gives you pitying looks.”
Down the Stairs
“Walking down stone steps that are uncomfortably spaced, so you have to lunge and reach for each one.” “Or tripping over your own feet and then looking insultingly at the pavement.”
Chasing It
“Chase a ping pong ball.” “I have no clue how this isn’t higher. The humiliation of not getting it before it bounces off in a completely separate direction and having to chase it again…ugh.”
Through the Web
“Walking through a spider web.” “Leave a message, and I’ll call you back.”
Surprise Bee
“Avoiding a bee that took you by surprise.” “No lie. Today at work in the break room, I had my hot sauce bottle up on the table. There was a gnat that wouldn’t get off from it. Like, fr lil guy, you don’t want it lmao. When I reached for it, he started following the bottle, and I tried to smack him away, and the hot sauce bottle went flying. Loudest stuff I’ve ever heard.”
Bus Running
“Running to get to the bus before it takes off.” “I have to do this every day to catch the train in time from my job. It’s so embarrassing, but I literally can’t slow down, or I’ll end up with a 3-hour commute. Plus, I end up standing on the platform breathing heavily and trying not to look too sweaty while the train pulls up, lmao.”
Mop Walk
“That tip-toe walk we perform for the mopper when we cross the wet floor they just cleaned to let them know we care.” “As a janitor, I appreciate the sentiment. But it’s entirely unnecessary, and honestly, it’s repetitive; just walk on the floor already! It’s not MY clean floor. It’s your floor, and its main purpose is for walking on.”
More Bare
“Being unclothed and wearing tennis shoes. Why does it feel more exposed than being exposed?” “Sometimes, we just want to be Sonic the Hedgehog.”
Almost Sneezing
“When they’re about to sneeze.” “Bonus points if the sneeze vanishes before happening and just leaves their face all screwed up for nothing.” “Extra bonus if you can make them laugh before the sneeze as this cancels it and makes the person feel robbed :).”
In Public
“Tik Tok dance videos in public.” “Tik tok dance videos anywhere. FIFY.”
Stuck Wheel
“Using a cart with a stuck wheel.” “…yes! Or a cart with a bent frame that leaves one wheel only slightly touching the ground, rattling around. Everyone can hear exactly when the guy in the next aisle is stopping to check the apples: “Pattttattat-pattttatat-pattattat PAUSE pattattat-pattttatat-pattttattat.”
Fallen Bill
“Trying to pick up a bill that fell while it’s windy.” “It stays still until you’re an inch away, and then it blows 46 feet away.”
Fast Run
“That pathetic fast run when a car lets you pass.” “Similar to the half-walk, half-jog when you’re heading to a door someone is holding open for you.” “Sometimes I wish the car would just go ahead on and let me keep my dignity. I’m fine with waiting for the next break in traffic.”
Segway Tour
“Are segway tours still a thing?” “They are in my city, and the guide wears a cape. Cringe city.” “I kind of love the idea of the guide being like, “Screw it, this is already ridiculous, may as well add a cape.”
Fly Swat
“Energetically swatting at flies that swarm around one with great vigor.”
Backpack Running
“Running with a backpack.” “Do you go for the ungainly lope where the weight of the backpack messes up your gait or the awkward waddle with stiff arms pushing down on the straps? There’s no good solution.” “Just hurl it in the general direction of the bus. Aim for the bus itself. Hit the bus with your backpack. Get on the stopped bus.”
Yoga
“There are a couple of yoga moves that I feel pretty embarrassed doing. Happy baby, anyone?” “It’s hard to do any of the ‘legs akimbo’ poses without feeling like a bit of an idiot.” “There are way too many yoga poses that make me feel like I gotta hold in farts.”
Center of Attention
“Being the center of attention while everyone sings Happy Birthday.” “This is the worst, especially in a restaurant. It forces the “frozen smile” look.”
Throw It Back
“Walking back after you’ve thrown a ball while bowling.” “This is the main reason why I don’t like to bowl sober. I’m too aware, making my walk even more stupid.” “I guarantee you nobody has ever noticed how awkward you look walking. You need to get out of your own head.”
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