An English couple has come forward to share their experience of discovering their transgender son was receiving support from his school without their knowledge. The story raises questions about the state of the teen’s life at home, given that he evidently didn’t feel comfortable coming out to his parents.
Their Son Is 16
Their son is 16 years old, meaning he’s legally allowed to leave home, pay taxes, join the military, and get married. He does not need parental consent to socially transition and, as such, the school is not required to seek it. He does, however, need parental consent to medically transition.
The Transphobic Parents
The son’s parents had meetings with teachers from the school where they told them that they didn’t want their child to be referred to with he/him pronouns and a boy’s name. However, because their son is 16, it’s not a matter the parents have any control over.
The Son Is Autistic
The son in question is autistic, which isn’t uncommon among transgender and non-binary people. Many autistic people struggle to understand social constructs and some, while understanding them, reject them. Gender is a social construct that refers to the expected behaviors of men and women. As such, studies have found that transgender and non-binary people are three to six times more likely to be autistic than their cisgender counterparts.
His Parents Claim He’s Taking Hormones
The son’s parents have claimed he was taking hormones behind their backs. It’s unclear whether or not this is true as the couple also claimed their child was socially transitioning, which implies no hormones. Moreover, it’s illegal for a 16-year-old in England to be prescribed hormones without parental consent – so it would be a very tricky thing for their son to accomplish. It’s possible that the parents don’t actually mean hormones and that, instead, they’re referring to puberty blockers.
The Research on Acceptance
Studies have shown again and again that transgender people, because of a combination of dysphoria and constant transphobia, are considerably more likely to take their own lives than cisgender people. Moreover, the same studies have shown that the risk significantly decreases for trans kids when they’re accepted and when their pronouns and preferred name are used.
The Parents Seemingly Don’t Care About the Research
The couple in question seemingly doesn’t care about the plethora of research in favor of supporting transgender kids. “This is a safeguarding issue. We feel our [son’s] mental and physical health is being put at risk. The institutions have put us in an impossible situation. We have only ever sought to act in the best interests of our [son],” the father said, misgendering his child in the process.
Online Reactions Were Mixed
The story was shared across social media and reactions were mixed. Discussing the idea of teachers having to inform parents when 16-year-olds are questioning their gender, one person wrote: “Everyone goes through a time of questioning their identity. Personal, religious, political. There is no crisis. There is no problem to solve. It is part of being alive.”
Children Aren’t Property
Some online commenters questioned why a child would feel the need to keep their gender identity a secret from their parents. “Anyone ever stop to wonder why a kid wouldn’t want to tell their parents? Maybe something they’re afraid of? Now, why would a kid be afraid of their parents? I dunno, why would a dog cower when its owner?” one person wrote before sarcastically adding, “But it’s okay, I guess. Children, like dogs, are property.”
Others Shared Similar Opinions
Several online commenters shared similar opinions to the aforementioned individual. One person wrote: “If a kid doesn’t come out to their parents but does come out to everyone at school, that tells me that the parents are transphobic. Kids are people with independent thoughts and opinions. Parents would do well to remember that.”
Autism Is Irrelevant
Some online commenters suggested that the son’s autism prevents him from fully understanding himself – but others hit back. One wrote: “That boy is old enough to pay taxes and go to war. I think he’s well within his rights to ask to be called a different name and for it to be kept secret from his parents. Autism is irrelevant. Stop infantilizing autistic people. If anything, it makes his identity more valid because trans people are more likely to be autistic and autistic people are more likely to be trans.”
People Were Shocked
A fair few online commenters were shocked about how attitudes have changed since they were in school. One person wrote: “I don’t know why this has suddenly become a problem. I went to school in the 80s and 90s and there were always masculine girls and feminine boys. They did get bullied but no one acted like it was some kind of disease sweeping through the school. What’s going on today is insane to me. [Kids] have to deal with enough in their lives and now they have to deal with the attitudes of their totally clueless parents who are so ignorant.”
LGBTQ+ Issues and Coming Out
Some commenters claimed it was the right of the parents to know – but LBGTQ+ people disagreed. “It’s their right to know. I don’t understand how anyone can deny that,” one individual wrote. “No, it’s not. Queer people come out when we’re ready. Nobody has a right to know anything until then,” another hit back.
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