Love is a complex journey, one that often finds its way through the ups and downs of life. However, when a couple’s beliefs and values don’t align, it can be a challenging terrain to navigate. Now, a social media user – henceforth referred to as “OP” – has taken to the internet to find out if she’s in the wrong for not wanting to convert to her fiancé’s religion.
A Religious Disparity
From the very beginning, OP and her fiancé were seemingly aware of the religious disparity in their relationship – or so she thought. Despite this, they embarked on their journey, knowing that love could bridge gaps that religious differences often create.
A First Date
OP wrote: “I’ve always known my fiancé was religious and I thought he knew that I wasn’t. On our very first date, I asked him and he told me he believed in Christianity and obviously I don’t see anything wrong with that – but I don’t believe in it. Through our relationship, I’ve been asking questions about his beliefs in interest in understanding him and that part of his life better.”
The Turning Point
The relationship blossomed – until a new conversation about religion turned the tide. OP told her fiancé that she had a good grasp of Christian ideas but found it difficult to comprehend why people believed in them. To her surprise, her fiancé was taken aback. It was as if he didn’t realize OP wasn’t a Christian.
An Honest Mistake
OP wrote: “I think he mistakenly took [my questions about his beliefs] as my interest in converting. The other night, I told him I thought I had a good understanding of the ideas but the only thing that didn’t make sense was why people believe in it. He was confused and acted like he didn’t know that I didn’t believe. Then he got upset with me.”
Not on the Same Page
OP went on to explain that her fiancé had been under the impression that she’d converted at some point during their relationship. When she told him that wasn’t the case, he kept asking her to become a Christian. OP repeatedly explained that she simply didn’t believe, something her fiancé found devastating.
OP’s Fiancé Was Frustrated
OP wrote: “He said he thought I became a Christian while we’ve been together and now he feels lied to since I actually am not. I told him I loved him anyway and he said, ‘Yeah but we aren’t going to heaven together.’ He then asked me multiple times why I couldn’t just ‘become a Christian’ and I tried to explain that I didn’t believe in any of it so I couldn’t just magically switch my beliefs but I think that made him more frustrated.”
Taking to Social Media
Feeling rather baffled by the interaction, OP took to social media to find out if she was in the wrong. Opinions were mixed but most responses had one thing in common – sheer shock that the couple was able to get engaged without discussing the topic of religion properly.
A Potential Deal Breaker
One commenter said: “This is a really good conversation to have now before you are married. There were apparently a lot of assumptions made by both of you that need clearing up right now. He can’t force you to believe something but your lack of belief may be a deal breaker for him.”
A Very Naive Couple
Another person wrote: “I’m baffled that two people could get engaged without having actually addressed this elephant in the room. You’re both insanely naive and this marriage is a disaster waiting to happen.”
The Reason Behind High Divorce Rates
People simply couldn’t believe that the topic hadn’t been discussed in more detail sooner. Another person said: “Religion [is a] topic that should be discussed and agreed upon in great detail before planning to marry someone. How does anyone propose or say yes without having these discussions first? This – the lack of communication – is the reason for the high divorce rate!”
A Mission in Life
Another commenter said: “There’s nothing wrong with being Christian but there is also nothing wrong with not being Christian. If he is going to have an ongoing struggle with the fact that you don’t share his religious beliefs, it could become a major problem if you marry him and he makes it his mission in life to convert you.”
An In-Depth Discussion
Plenty of people encouraged OP to have an in-depth discussion with her partner. “This is a conversation that you should’ve had before you got engaged. Is having a non-Christian spouse a deal breaker for him? Is converting a deal breaker for you?” one person wrote.
Resentment Down the Road
The aforementioned commenter continued: “The two of you need to have an extremely open and honest conversation about this before your wedding to make sure that you are on the same page and there won’t be any resentment down the road.”
Disrespectful to Religion
Another person said: “Your beliefs are just that – yours. No one should convert for someone else. That’s not how religion is supposed to work. You either believe and accept the tenets of that religion and convert accordingly or you continue with your own beliefs. To convert for someone else would be disrespectful to that religion.”
Beliefs Don’t Just Change
A fair few commenters explicitly said that neither of the pair was in the wrong. One such individual said: “His heart is in the right place but your beliefs don’t just change out of nowhere. Neither of you has done anything wrong but he shouldn’t be upset at you. You should never just say you’re Christian or any religion if you don’t believe.”
A Fundamentally Incompatible Couple
One person bluntly told OP the relationship wouldn’t work. They said: “I hate to say it but you guys are fundamentally incompatible. It is possible for people of different religious backgrounds to marry but not if one of them is this invested in the religion and is this desirous of his partner sharing his religion. He will not be happy unless he converts you. You, rightly, don’t feel you can or should convert without actually believing.”
No Path Forward
The commenter continued: “I’ve encountered people like him before and they generally expect their faith to rule the marriage and the childrearing. This is why I say you aren’t compatible. I know you love him but, as it stands now, I don’t see a path forward where you will both be happy.”
This Is Ridiculous
One commenter blamed OP for the entire misunderstanding. “How on Earth did you get engaged without discussing religion? I’m sorry, OP, but this is ridiculous. How did you get yourself into this situation? In my opinion, this is entirely on you,” they said.
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