A social media post has ignited an interesting discussion about faith and friendship. An unnamed individual – henceforth referred to as “OP” – took to social media to ask if they were in the wrong for reacting in a questionable way after their friend came out as gay.
Balancing Faith and Friendship
OP took to social media to share an interaction they had with their friend. Upon being informed of their friend’s sexual orientation, OP tried to follow Christianity’s teachings of love and tolerance. “I told her that it was okay with me and I didn’t judge her choice,” OP said.
Love and Tolerance
OP wrote: “I had a friend yesterday tell me she was gay. I’m Christian so it was a little awkward for me to respond. As I’m sure you all know, the Bible tells me to love and tolerate everyone, so I did just that. I told her that it was okay with me and I didn’t judge her choice.”
Not a Choice
OP’s use of the word “choice” was intentional. “I specifically mentioned that because I was curious [about] her standpoint [regarding] if it’s how you’re born or if it’s a choice,” they said. Their friend responded by asserting that she was, in fact, born gay. OP said that wasn’t what they personally believed but reiterated their support regardless.
Trying to Be Kind
OP wrote: “She comes back at me [saying] she was born this way. I calmly tell her that I’m a Christian so that’s not what I personally believe – but I also mentioned that what she believes is okay and it’s not my place to judge her. I honestly tried my hardest to be kind and tolerant of her and her views. Am I supposed to go against my religion just because it would make her happy?”
Perceptions and Misunderstandings
Attempting to provide insight into their friend’s perspective, OP acknowledged the difficulty of speaking for someone else. According to them, their friend may have recently discovered her attraction to women, leading her to confide in OP as a trusted friend.
“Deciding” to Be Gay
OP wrote: “I can’t really explain her side nearly as well as mine, considering I’m not her, but I can try my best. She probably just now decided she likes women more than men and came to me to tell me, considering I was a good friend of hers.”
OP’s Feelings About the Situation
OP went on to say that they felt as if their friend was judging them for their religion and assuming that they hated her for her sexual orientation. They also falsely claimed that being gay goes against almost all religions. OP’s friend has now blocked them on social media, which is what led OP to post and ask if they were in the wrong.
The Internet’s Response
OP’s post now has almost 100 comments and people – almost everyone, in fact – said they were in the wrong. One individual said: “Yes, you are [in the wrong]. You intentionally baited her with the ‘choice’ thing. Why does your opinion matter when it comes to her sexuality? When exactly did you make the choice to be straight?”
Coming Out Is Scary
Plenty of people left very in-depth responses. One person wrote: “Alright, leaving aside the issue of pretty much all of the evidence we have indicating that sexuality is innate, you are in the wrong. Your friend came to [you] in a time of need, asking for emotional support. Coming out is scary because you never really know how someone is going to react. Sexuality is also confusing and a central part of any human being’s identity.”
Religion Was Irrelevant
The commenter continued: “What you did was take your friend’s coming out, which likely required more courage than you realized, and made it about you. Your religion, in that moment, is absolutely irrelevant. In that instance, all that is required of you – and all that you should have done – is tell them you love and accept them and that you admire that they were able to be honest with you.”
Not a Good Friend
The commenter went on to say OP wasn’t a good friend. “About whether you believe – and, again, what you believe has no effect on the evidence we have – homosexuality is a choice or not is a discussion you can have, civilly, at a different time. You were, honestly, not a good friend right there,” they said.
Advice for OP
The commenter concluded: “If your friend will listen to you, you should apologize for bringing your beliefs into her difficult revelations and tell her you accept her and admire her. If not, well, remember in the future that truly loving and accepting someone means being receptive and respectful to them as human beings with feelings.”
A Vulnerable Time
Echoing the aforementioned individual, another person said: “It wasn’t your turn to say that. That was her time, likely a vulnerable time. It wasn’t necessary for you to go into what you thought. That was rude.”
A Christian Perspective
Fellow Christians left comments for OP too. One said: “I think you are very wrong. I’m Christian as well and I see nothing wrong with people being gay. It’s love. Who cares what gender? Also, did you know that there is actually a gay couple in the Bible? I’m unsure of the exact quoting or scripture but it talks about how pure their love is.”
You Don’t Choose What You Like
The commenter continued: “I also believe it is most definitely not a choice. There are people that are angry at themselves for being gay. Why would they choose that? It’s how they are born, same as people born [with] different taste buds. You don’t choose what you like!”
An Interesting Analogy
The commenter concluded: “You can pretend you like something else or even think you actually do but one day you just may realize, even though you’re a boy and society has always pushed you to like blue as a color, you don’t actually like it and like pink instead. Not saying that a male liking pink means you’re gay – just an analogy.”
The Stereotype of Judgmental Christians
Another Christian said: “[I’m going to] call you a fisherman because you straight up baited her with the choice thing. I’m a Christian. Based on your post, I can see why so many people think Christians are judgmental. Have a good night.”
Judging Without All the Information
Another person wrote: “Whether or not something is a choice can’t be determined from outside the head of the person who may or may not have made that choice. By ‘believing’ that she’s gay by choice, you are telling her that you care more about your judgment of the situation, based on incomplete information, than her judgment, when she’s the only one with all of the facts.”
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