Friendship can be complex at times. It’s not uncommon to have friends who come from different backgrounds or have contrasting values and beliefs – and sometimes it can lead to arguments. As such, one individual has taken to social media to find out if she was in the wrong for uninviting a Christian friend to a birthday celebration.
A Unique Friendship
The social media user – henceforth referred to as “OP” – began by introducing her friend Jen, a 20-year-old woman with conservative, Christian values. OP explained that Jen’s upbringing had been sheltered, leading her to abstain from drinking, partying, and even using explicit language.
PG-13 Language
OP wrote: “One of my friends, let’s call her Jen, is a moderately conservative Christian girl. She grew up a bit sheltered. If her parents could have afforded Christian school, they would’ve sent her there. She doesn’t drink at all, she doesn’t go to parties, she hardly even swears and, when she does, it’s still PG-13 language.”
A Healthy Relationship
OP said that Jen’s commitment to her faith was evident from her “One Life, One Love” promise ring. Despite the stark differences in their lifestyles and values, the pair got on well and maintained a healthy friendship.
An Embarrassing Friend
OP went on to say that while she finds Jen to be a nice person, she can also be embarrassing. She wrote: “Jen is nice and all but she does tend to embarrass me a lot. Like, when we go to a bar she just sits there and whenever someone offers her a drink, she refuses.”
The Dilemma at the Bar
The main issue highlighted in OP’s post revolved around the birthday celebration of another friend. The entire group had been invited to a bar but OP was concerned about how Jen might affect the dynamic. She felt that Jen’s refusal to drink could lead to awkwardness.
A Bit Embarrassing
OP wrote: “So for one of our friend’s birthdays, we wanted to take him out to a bar because he was turning 21. Our entire friend group was invited. I honestly didn’t feel like having Jen just sitting there drinking an iced tea or water or whatever while everyone else was having a good time. She talks and laughs and everything but it’s still a bit embarrassing.”
A Designated Driver
OP went on to explain that Jen was usually the designated driver on their nights out. On this occasion, though, the birthday boy had invited more friends and a different driver was chosen. OP told Jen the event was canceled and, in her post, claimed this was to avoid hurting her feelings.
A Secret Celebration
OP wrote: “To avoid hurting her feelings, I told her the celebration was canceled and that our group would meet up later. She texted me back saying, ‘Cool, I wasn’t up to going anyway.’ So I figured we were fine since she didn’t even want to go. I also knew she would see it on social media so, at the bar, I avoided getting in the pictures and I asked my friends not to share pictures with me in [them].”
The Deception and Its Consequences
Things soon took an unexpected turn for OP, whose friends forgot and tagged her in social media posts. Jen, upon seeing said posts about the celebration she thought was canceled, confronted OP and a heated exchange ensued.
OP Shouldn’t Have Lied
OP wrote: “The next day, Jen blows up my texts asking why I lied to her and sending me screenshots of the post she saw. I asked her why she cared because she said she didn’t even want to go and she’s like, ‘You shouldn’t have lied to me anyway.’ Then ignored me when I tried to explain.”
Her Friends Told Her to Apologize
OP went on to explain that her other friends started texting her, telling her that she’d been really horrible and that she should apologize. OP reiterated that she believed lying was completely fine as Jen didn’t want to go anyway. These interactions led OP to post on social media to gather the opinions of strangers.
The Internet’s Response
Largely, the internet found OP to be in the wrong. Religion aside, people found her attitude to be toxic and accused her of believing it’s impossible to have fun without alcohol. “Your whole post screams of ‘you can’t have fun unless you drink,’” one person wrote.
A Two-Faced Snake
Another individual said: “You either need to be Jen’s friend or not. It seems as if she’s done you no offense or harm. You just don’t like that she’s Christian. At least be upfront instead of being a two-faced snake about it.”
Time to Reflect
People felt that OP was mad at Jen for virtually no reason whatsoever. One person said: “Reread your post. It sounds like you’re mad at her for just breathing. You didn’t say anything about her pushing her beliefs or complaining about what others were doing so you’re just making up stuff to be mad about. Who cares that she doesn’t drink? Spend some time thinking about why you’re so angry and what you need to do to adjust your anger.”
Not OP’s Call
Another said: “If it were your birthday, sure. It wasn’t your call to make. And look, I enjoy an alcoholic beverage from time to time and certainly when I was 21 – but you sound [angry] that she doesn’t drink. It’s weird. So she grew up sheltered. Clearly having a friend group like yours, she’s expanding her horizons a little. Bottom line. Not your call.”
An Immature Post
Others were harsher with their words. One such individual said: “You’re a liar and if her lifestyle isn’t hurting you in any way, or anyone else, then you really shouldn’t care. You lied and should apologize and it shouldn’t be embarrassing if she doesn’t want to drink. Anyone who does find it embarrassing is immature. Would you say it’s embarrassing if a recovering alcoholic didn’t want to drink and stuck with an iced tea?”
Not a Great Friend
Plenty of people didn’t understand why OP remained friends with Jen. One individual said: “Why are you even friends with her? You seem embarrassed by her a lot and it doesn’t even sound like she’s being overtly religiously obnoxious. You said you lied to her to avoid hurting her feelings… about what? About the fact that you had a different designated driver? That’s weird. It sounds to me like you’re not that great of a friend to her.”
Jen Just Wanted to Have Fun
Another said: “I’m not conservative or Christian but I don’t drink. Still can go to a bar. It’s very easy to reply to people that I’m the driver if I’m not drinking. Poor girl just wanted to have some fun with her friends.”
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